Hasslevania: The Quest For Shuteye

Hasslevania: The Quest For Shuteye is a freeware PC game that satirizes the Castlevania series while trying to not look like just some lame knockoff of it. It's a lengthy, funny, and hard adventure about Rovert Bellhump, who finds it hard to sleep with all the noise his neighbor Dracula is making, so he decides to invade his castle to tell him to stop.

Unused Spells


Earlier in the game's development, each weapon was supposed to have a special magic attack, but this feature was removed because of glitches caused by them. Magic spells were also originally added to make skill hearts more useful and not just for throwing holy craps and high jumping. The above screenshot shows Rovert using the Fire Wave spell against Deaf and rock band Crush in Version 1's beta.


 * Short Sword: Insomnia Insanity - A very powerful spell that granted Rovert a +1 damage bonus for the entire time spent in the room it was cast in. The effect stacked with the Weapons Book (purchased through Ninja Bradley, Salesman), allowing for a max +2 damage bonus vs. enemies.
 * Lost Axe: Health Restore - For a large amount of skill hearts, Rovert could heal himself 8 HP. Rovert only ever has 16 max HP, so this was very helpful in a game that has limited healing.




 * Family Whip: Holy Crosses - Wave after wave of holy crosses shoot out from Rovert. This is similar to the Pyro Mace Iac's Fire Wave, but could instantly kill brittles (red skeletons) and dealt bonus damage to Dracula himself.
 * Blade of Del Duio: Summon Key - Summon a door/chest key for a small amount of skill hearts. It wasn't all that useful, though, due to the large amount of keys available in-game.
 * Pyro Mace Iac: Fire Wave - Waves of fire radiate from Rovert, injuring nearby enemies. The flames had no effect on other objects that normally burn with the mace, like thorny bushes and spider webs.
 * Holy Crap: Fecal Fortitude - A very powerful spell, granting Rovert a +1 defense bonus for the entire time spent in the room it was cast in. This effect stacked with the Iron Armor power-up, allowing for a max +2 defense bonus vs. enemies.
 * Devil for Hire: Shop Warp - Chris Subdevil would appear and fly Rovert back to Oldie's Shop in exchange for a lot of skill hearts. You could not use this spell during boss fights, but otherwise there were no area restrictions.

Unused Enemies
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These two enemies, Skor-peon and Electric Eel, were supposed to appear in the Special Edition of the game. Since the Special Edition was cancelled, they'll be used in the sequel instead.

Unused Music


At the GameFAQs development thread of the game, the developer mentioned having an "elevator remix" of Vampire Killer, the main theme of the Castlevania series, play during the Skelevator area. However, to avoid the possibility that Konami would kick his ass, he left the song out.

Revisional Differences
There are three versions of the game (newest is 3), plus a beta sent to testers. The revisions corrected bugs, made it so high jumping costs less MP and added some details to the scenery.


 * A "Wussy Schoolgirl" mode was added in Version 2. In it, save points recover some of your health, but playing in this way disables the good ending.
 * A fourth revision, "Special Edition", was supposed to add new areas to the game, but was cancelled in favor of the sequel.

Original Opening Dialogue
(20's NEWSROOM NARRATOR)

Narrator: "On October 23rd, 1852, Vampire Hunter Simon was called to the ancient castle of Hasslevania. Once again, the Bellhump family line bravely stepped forward to do battle with the foul monster Count Dracula. This time however, Simon never returned."

Narrator: "But Rovert would get no peace at his new house, for Dracula and his crew made far too much noise for him to sleep. After several repeated attempts to call the cops on them (911 was busy), Rovert dug his grampy Simon's hand me down short sword out of the closet and embarked on the craziest journey there ever was.."

Deleted Loudspeaker-isms
All spoken by Drac. Note that the mop portion of the second line was cut out.

"Lights out! Uh-huh! Dance, dance, dance!"

"Brittles to isle 3.. Brittles to isle 3.. bring a mop."

"Who wants to be startin' somethin?..... YOU want to be startin' somethin'!"

Chris and Rovert Argument 1
Devil: "You know you COULD make better use of your backpack space if you REALLY wanted to, Rovert.."

Rovert: "Keep it down, I'm trying to practice my ESPIONAGE SKILLS!!"

Devil: "Oh don't worry, I'm sure nobody's noticed the hundreds of monsters you've already killed... dumbass.."

Chris and Rovert Argument 2
Devil: "I don't suppose now is a good time to tell you I can't swim, is it?"

Rovert: "You can't?"

Devil: "Nope, all of us mercenary devils can't."

Rovert: "That reminds me, I have to go and meticulously explore the crap outta' the Underwater Caverns later.. might take all night.."

Devil: "And so, Rovert went into his future watery grave alone, without me.

Devil (doing a little kid voice): "Tell me again, was that when Rovert died Mr. Devil?'

Devil: "Why yes, kiddies, because he found out then what a great big wuss he was without me to kill everything for him!"

Rovert: "Please, they would never let you within 500 yards of children."

UPC Truck Driver
More specifically, riding past Alucart's for the First Time. DRIVER: "I'm truckin', ah, yessiree, I'm truckin', down 93, and lordy man I gotsta' pee! 'Cos I'm truckin'.."

Original Prison Zombies Cutscene
...and how Chris wound up in the museum's jail. (PRISON ZOMBIES' JAIL CELL)

(A skeleton walks by)

PZs: "EEEEWWWWWW!!!!"

(A knight walks by)

PZs: "EEEEEWWWWW!!!!"

(Lame-ia slithers by)

PZs: "OOOOOOHHHHH...."

(Brittles walks by)

PZs: "EEEEEWWWWW!!!!"

(Devil for hire flies by)

PZ #1: "I say purple, You say rain.. PURPLE!"

PZ #2: "RAIN!"

PZ #1: "PURPLE!"

PZ #2: "RAIN!"

PZ: (Flava Flav giggles) "BAH HAH HAH HAH HAH HAH HAH HAH!"

(Devil grabs a wall torch, flies over the cells, and drops the torch in, setting the zombies on fire)

PZs: "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Devil: "Ack, have the decency to at least BURN FASTER, won't you?"

(Deaf enters and stops the devil)

Deaf: "Alright buddy, you're going downtown!"

Devil: "Is that slang for something nasty, cos' mister, I don't swing that way!"

Deaf: "Enough! You're going to jail!!"

(takes him off the screen)

"Oh Rovert" Ending Song
With slightly different lyrics.

Rovert.. oh Rovert... You were a guy dressed who dressed up like some orange sherbert... You were a guy who your devil once called a pervert! Oh Rovert..

Rovert.. oh Rovert... You started out with a crappy sword.. Your orange suit was all you could afford.. Oh Rovert..

But then one night, when you couldn't sleep.. You went next door, to a castle of creeps.. Walked all around, and saw lots of stuff.. You put a whip up Dracula's butt..

Oh Rovert.. Oh Rovert..

/cheesy solo/

If DXF makes a dollar or equal.. We'll see your ass in a much better sequel.. So Rovert.. BYE BYE..

BYE BYE...

BYE..... BIIIIIYYYYYYEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!