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Portal 2 (Windows, Mac OS X, Linux)/Unused Lines

From The Cutting Room Floor
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This is a sub-page of Portal 2 (Windows, Mac OS X, Linux).

Hmmm...
To do:
  • Audio exists for a few lines, and "Don't listen to him, jump." Exists in the game's files.
  • Add more text

There is a lot of unused Portal 2 content located in portal 2\portal2\scripts\vscripts\choreo folder and extracted from .nut files, which were first discovered by a Facepunch user William777. This also contains something called "Cave Johnson Cube Scene".

Note that there is also a demo folder which contains almost the same ammount of files as the main choreo folder, but these files have interesting differences. For example, GLaDOS reactivation lines (hubstages and bootup_sequences) which can be found in the demo file, but not in the main one.

Additionally, Russian localization has 600 more voice lines than the original game does which was previously mentioned on the Portal 2 discussion board with a reference to a post made by Reddit user Chaski1212. Some of these lines seem to be alternate deliveries, others can be found in the portal 2\portal2\scripts\vscripts\choreo (including GLaDOS' lines from the Cave Cube encounter) But there are also unique lines which are listed here separately.

Some lines are only partially unused. The portions that are used are in italics.

Act 1 (Pre-hub GLaDOS lines and her reactivation)

Note: Apparently these lines come from very early stages of development. Most likely from when Mel was still planned to be the protagonist. Lines that are spoken by the announcer in the final game are in italic.

Pre-hub lines

(PreHub 01 - Chamber 01 Grill Speech)

  • You have just passed through an Aperture Science Material Emancipation Grill, which erases most Aperture Science equipment that touches it.
  • If you feel liquid running down your neck, relax, lie on your back, and apply immediate pressure to your temples.
  • You are simply experiencing a rare reaction, in which the Material Emancipation Grill may have erased the ear tubes inside your head.


(PreHub 01 - Chamber 02 Entry)

  • Due to events beyond our control, some testing environments may contain flood damage or ongoing tribal warfare resulting from the collapse of civilization.
  • If groups of hunter-gatherers appear to have made this - or any - test chamber their home, DO NOT AGITATE THEM. Test through them.

(PreHub 01 - Chamber 02 Success)

  • You performed this test better than anyone on record. This is a pre-recorded message.


(PreHub 01 - Chamber 03 Entry)

  • Because this message is prerecorded, the Enrichment Center has no way of knowing if whatever government remains offers any sort of Cattle Tuberculosis Testing Credit for taxes.
  • In the event that it does, this next test involves exposure to cattle tuberculosis. Good luck!


(PreHub 01 - Chamber 04 Entry)

  • This next test applies the principles of momentum to movement through portals. If the laws of physics no longer apply in the future, God help you.

(PreHub 01 - Chamber 04 Success)

  • Congratulations! This pre-recorded congratulations assumes you have mastered the principles of portal momentum.
  • If you have, in fact, not, you are encouraged to take a moment to reflect on your failure before proceeding into the next chamber.


(PreHub 01 - Air Supply Success)

  • Well done. In the event that oxygen is no longer available in the Enrichment Center, an auxiliary air supply will be provided to you by an Aperture Science Test Associate, if one exists.

(PreHub 01 - BoldPersistent)

  • Excellent. The Enrichment Center reminds you that bold, persistent experimentation is the hallmark of good science.

(PreHub 01 - Compliment 01)

  • Very impressive! Because this message is prerecorded, any comments we may make about your success are speculation on our part. Please disregard any undeserved compliments.

(PreHub 01 - Get Gun 01)

  • This chamber offers no challenge and therefore cannot legally be labeled a test. It is an activity. Simply approach the podium and pick up an aperture science handheld portal device.
  • With it, you can create your own blue portals.

(PreHub 01 - Get Gun 02)

  • Excellent. You have lifted the Portal Device off the podium. This ends the activity portion of today's test. Please proceed into the lift.

(PreHub 01 - High Energry Pellets)

  • This test involves Aperture Science High Energy Pellets, and the manipulation of their direction in ways we can not specify. However, please do not use your hands.

(PreHub 01 - Meteors)

  • In the event that the Enrichment Center is currently being bombarded with fireballs, meteorites, or other objects from space, please avoid unsheltered testing areas wherever a lack of shelter from space-debris DOES NOT appear to be a deliberate part of the test.

(PreHub 01 - Safety Devices Disabled)

  • In order to ensure that sufficient power remains for core testing protocols, all safety devices have been disabled.
  • The Enrichment Center respects your right to have questions or concerns about this policy.

(PreHub 02 - Broken Chamber 01)

  • Well done! The Enrichment Center reminds you that although circumstances may appear bleak, you are not alone.
  • Please note that this is NOT a guarantee, as you may, in fact, be the last man or woman on Earth.

(PreHub 02 - Chamber01 Entry)

  • If the Earth is currently governed by a manner of animal-king, sentient cloud or other governing body that either refuses to or is incapable of listening to reason...
  • The Enrichment Center will compensate you for any retribution you may suffer as a result of performing this next test.

(PreHub 02 - Out Of Bounds 01)

  • Pre-recorded observation: You have left the testing environment.

(PreHub 02 - Out Of Bounds02)

  • Leaving the testing environment may be interpreted as an indication that you think you no longer require testing and, in fact, know everything.
  • It could even be seen as arrogance on your part.
  • Stop now and take a moment to think about how your actions could be perceived by others before returning to the test chamber.

GLaDOS Reactivation (hubstages and bootup_sequences)

(PreHub 02 - Hub Instructions)

  • You have breached the central core of the Aperture Science Genetic Lifeform and Disk Operating System.
  • Pre-Apocalypse, this would have been an act of criminal trespass and an opportunity for you to go to prison.
  • As it is, however, this is a rare opportunity for you to become an honorary Aperture Scientist.
  • Do you see a power object? The Enrichment Center invites you to pick up the power object and plug it in.
  • Something will happen. Something wonderful.

(Glados 01 - Glados Wake Up)

  • Thank you for reactivating your Enrichment Center Test Supervisor. Aperture Science is grateful for your help.
  • Reactivation in three. Two. One.
  • Running environment scan.
  • Available test subjects: [BING] one.
  • Uploading personality program.
  • Warning: Personality program is eighty-nine percent corrupted.
  • Welcome to the Aperture Science Enrichment Center.
  • Let’s get to know each other.
  • How are you? I’M not crazy. This water cooler water is excellent. Mm!
  • Well, enough small talk, let’s test.

Aperture Science Self Esteem Field

(Slowfield 01 - Chamber 01 Entry)

  • You have just experienced an Aperture Science Self Esteem Field, which temporarily increases your reaction time. (Note: Removed gameplay mechanic that slowed down time)

Act 2 (GLaDOS in control)

Wheatley nanobot scene

  • Hey, partner. I knew you'd be comin' through this shaft, so I talked my way onto this nanobot work crew over here that's rebuildin' it. They're REALLY small, so they got tiny little brains. But there's a billion of 'em, so it's only a matter of time until ONE of them notices I'm the size of a planet.
  • Hold on... I'm on BREAK, Jerry.
  • Anyway, look, we're real close to bustin' out. So just hang in there for five more chambers.
  • Ow!
  • What? You can't fire me!
  • Well, JERRY -- maybe your prejudiced worksite could have accommodated a nanobot of my size! You'll be hearing from my lawyer! Thanks for the HATE CRIME, Jerry!
  • We're not actually going to sue them, I just don't want them to report this. I don't even HAVE a lawyer. In fact, if I EVER retain counsel, I will DIE. Oh, I gotta go. I'll see you soon.

Fizzing the cube

  • Oh. Did I accidentally fizzle that before you could complete the test? I'm sorry. Go ahead and grab another one so that it won't also fizzle and you won't look stupid again.
  • Go ahead. I PROMISE not to fizzle it this time.
  • Oh. No. I fizzled that one too. Oh well. We have warehouses FULL of the things. Absolutely worthless. I'm happy to get rid of them. Go ahead. This time I promise you'll look incrementally less stupid than the previous two times in which you looked incredibly stupid.

GLaDOS and Wheatley during the escape

(Jailbreak start)

GLaDOS: What's going on? Who turned off the lights?

Wheatley: Hey, buddy!

Wheatley: I know I'm early, but we have to go right NOW!

Wheatley: I'm speaking in an accent that is beyond her range of hearing...

GLaDOS: I can hear him. I've modulated my voice, however, so he can't hear me. What are you up to?

Wheatley: Walk casually toward my position and we'll go shut her down.

GLaDOS: Oh.


(Played if player lingers to approach to Wheatley)

Wheatley: Keep coming…

Wheatley: Keep it casual…

Wheatley: More casual… Ok that's too casual hurry it up!

Wheatley: Keep moving…

Wheatley: Come on…


(Wheatley does the entire scene in the American accent)

Wheatley: Whoa! Hey! Don't fall!

GLaDOS: Don't listen to him. Jump.

Wheatley: Hold on.

Wheatley: Hold on. Run back the other way! I'll turn the bridges back on!

Wheatley: You have to get to the catwalk behind me!

GLaDOS: It seems kind of silly to point this out, since you're running around plotting to destroy me. But I'd say we're done testing.

GLaDOS: Do hear that? That's the sound of the neurotoxin emitters emitting neurotoxin.

Wheatley: Stay casual when I tell you this: I think I smell neurotoxin.

GLaDOS: Look - metal ball, I CAN hear you.

Wheatley: Oh God! Oh, don't need to do that anymore. The jig is up, RUN!

Wheatley: RUN! Come on!


Wheatley: RUN! Come on! I'm closing the doors!

Wheatley: We're not safe yet. Quick! Follow the walkway.


(Fake test)

GLaDOS: Before you leave, why don't we do one more test? For old time's sake...

GLaDOS: You already did this one. It'll be easy.

Wheatley: How stupid do you think we are?

(If player falls for it)

Wheatley: Hey hey!

Wheatley: Whoah whoah, what ya doing?


(The rest of the escape)

Wheatley: Jump down to the catwalk!


Wheatley: She can still see us back here.

Wheatley: We've got to get to the maintenance area.

Wheatley: She won't be able to touch us there.


Wheatley: Ahhh!

Wheatley: There's the entrance to the maintenance area!

Wheatley: Hurry! Come on!


Wheatley: She's bringin' the whole place down!

Wheatley: Run! Quick!


Wheatley: Hurry! This way!

Wheatley: Ohhhhhh, we just made it! That was close.

Pendleton Neurotoxin Generator Sabotage

  • Pendleton: The neurotoxin is housed in this wing of the labs. I can't disable it but I've got a plan for taking it out.
  • Pendleton: Walk forward slowly! There's a gap ahead.
  • Pendleton: Let me light this jump for you.


  • Pendleton: Nice Jump!
  • Pendleton: Watch your step.


  • Pendleton: Wait - did you hear something?
  • Pendleton: Oh sorry. I forgot you can't see in the dark.
  • Pendleton: It sure is dark in here.
  • Pendleton: You may not be much of a conversationalist but at least you are a champion jumper!
  • Pendleton: I'll join you on the other side of that wall.
  • Pendleton: Coming! I'm coming! Sorry for leaving you in the dark.


  • Pendleton: These Platforms look unstable. You can make it though.
  • Pendleton: You need to get up onto the walkway.
  • Pendleton: That's the spirit!


  • Pendleton: Onto the panel assembly.
  • Pendleton: Watch your head.
  • Pendleton: Now that's what I call a tight squeeze!
  • Pendleton: Try to get onto the walkway. The manual override for the panel assembly is up here.
  • Pendleton: Don't fall off!


  • Pendleton: We need to find across over that tube down there. Maybe you can use the electro-magnet crane to cross the gap.
  • Pendleton: You should be able to use that panel to get across!
  • Pendleton: Nice.


  • Pendleton: You see that red machine down there? That's the nerotoxin pump. We need to destroy that so Glados can't gas you.
  • Pendleton: That tube there contains energy cores. Each core contains a very small amount of animatter.
  • Pendleton: Matter plus Antimatter equals a big explosion. What I need you to do is blow up the tube so we can get a core.
  • Pendleton: Reverse the tube direction then run!


  • Pendleton: Crap - We are locked out. New Plan - we are going to get physical with the tube.
  • Pendleton: Up here. I bet we can make use of this crane.


  • Pendleton: Good idea! Maybe you can bash the tube with that
  • Pendleton: That doesn't appear to be working. Maybe we can use this crane some other way
  • Pendleton: Well There goes that plan. Using the magnet might work out better for us anyway.


  • Pendleton: Good idea! Maybe now we can use that magnet to get a core.


  • Pendleton: That's the ticket. Let me try to route something metal through there.
  • Pendleton: Stand back. This is going to get messy!


  • Pendleton: Let's make a plan before you grab one of those cores. If you set it down... well... boom.
  • Pendleton: The core should be able to destroy the neurotoxin pump. It looks like it's too far away for you to throw it.


  • Pendleton: Bam! Haha! Good job.
  • Pendleton: Not to alarm you but you should probably get out of here. That is neurotoxin leaking out of that thing afterall.
  • Pendleton: I'll catch up with you later. If anyone asks just pretend nothing happened.


  • Pendleton: Cruuuunch!
  • Pendleton: Maybe we can use that magnet to get an energy core.
  • Pendleton: Whatever you do - don't put the core down. Pitch it over the railing if you need to drop it.


  • Pendleton: It's good to finally meet you. You can call me Pendleton.
  • Pendleton: Glados used to terrorize us AI task cores. I've been able to avoid detection for now but she's bound to find me.
  • Pendleton: She's unstable so it's critical that we take her out. We got to strike before she can fully rebuild.
  • Pendleton: I hope I can count on you. Let's get going.

The stalemate resolution phase

(As she's being dragged into the pit)

GLaDOS: GET YOUR HANDS OFF ME! NO! NO! STOP!

GLaDOS: CHELL! STOP THIS! I AM YOUR MOTHER!

GLaDOS: ALRIGHT, FINE! THAT'S NOT TRUE!

GLaDOS: BUT IT COULD BEEEEEAAHHH!

[GLaDOS gibbering here]


(After Wheatley's put in charge)

Wheatley: Wow! Check ME out, Partner!

Wheatley: We did it! I can't believe we did it! I'm in control of the whole facility now!

Wheatley: Oh! Right, the escape elevator! I'll call it now.

Wheatley: Elevator --called. You get in. I'll tell it to take you to the surface.    


(Heel turn)

GLaDOS: Don't do this.. Don't do this...

GLaDOS: Oh.  it's you.

Wheatley: I knew it was gonna be cool being in charge of everything, but... WOW, is this cool! This body is amazing!

GLaDOS: No.

Wheatley: And check this out! I'm brilliant now! [spanish] I don't know what I just said, but I can find out.

Wheatley: Oh! The elevator. Sorry. [elevator moves]

Wheatley: Wow, look how small you are! I can barely see you down there! But I'm HUGE. [evil laugh] Where did THAT come from?

GLaDOS: So here's a couple of facts. Absolute power corrupts. Absolutely.

Wheatley: Actually... hold on.

Wheatley: Why do we have to leave right this minute? [elevator descends]

GLaDOS: And if you combine absolute power with an absolute moron, inside the world's most powerful supercomputer...

Wheatley: You be quiet! I was smart enough to take control of the whole building away from you, wasn't I?

GLaDOS: You didn't do anything. SHE did all the work.

Wheatley: Oh really? Well, maybe it's time I DID something, then.

GLaDOS: What are you doing?

GLaDOS: No!


(Wheatley puts GLaDOS into a potato)

Wheatley: I'm on to you too, lady.  .. who's the boss?  Little old Wheatley!

Wheatley: Ah...!

Wheatley: THAT is a potato battery.  Now you live in it.

GLaDOS: Just... kill me.


(Final confrontation, scene outro)

Wheatley: There! See? I'm huge, you're trapped and she's a potato! Who's a moron now?

GLaDOS: Still you.

Wheatley: How about now? Now who's a moron?

GLaDOS: Still you. You're still a moron.

Wheatley: NOW WHO'S A MORON?

GLaDOS: If you weren't such a moron, you'd know who.

Wheatley: I AM NOT A MORON!

Act 3 (Lower Aperture)

Alternate Long Fall Speech

  • Oh hi.
  • So, how are you holding up?
  • BECAUSE I'M A POTATO.
  • I don't know if you've noticed, but I have a weakness for neurotoxin.
  • I'll be honest, it's a problem the engineers really wrestled with. They tried everything. They hid the neurotoxin; they printed signs that said "Don't neurotoxin anyone" and hung them where I couldn't miss them.
  • Once, they even installed an Intelligence Dampening Sphere. It was designed – by the greatest minds of a generation – for one purpose: to generate an endless stream of dumb ideas. I always wondered what happened to it. Now I know: You just put it in charge of this facility.
  • (slow clap) That's a slow clap sound.
  • Hey, just in case this pit isn't actually bottomless, do you think maybe you could unstrap one of your longfall boots and, you know... shove me into it? You just have to remember to land on one foot–

Unused Cave Johnson Lines

1950s

  • Now, the lab boys were adamant that I do not give you any hints on these tests. To be honest, they think I'm spoiling the results just by talking to you. Hizenstein Uncertainty Principles and so forth. I’ll give ‘em something more practical to be uncertain about. Their next paycheck. Anyway, overruled. If you think I'm affecting your decisions, in any way, don’t be afraid to speak up. I’m not made of glass. That reminds me: Caroline, Do we have a wing made out of glass yet? Let's get on that, Caroline.
  • Cave Johnson again. Just a heads-up: this next test’s dangerous. So if you get hurt, there’s a first aid station close by. Oh! Unless you’re participating in the double blind emergency treatment experiment. Then it’s just placebo first aid. Hold on, lemme check what test this is for… [pages flipping] Uh huh. Uh huh. No sir. I wouldn’t bother with it. What?
  • Caroline, do you think anyone’s gonna make it this far? Should I even bother making a message? What? Yes, I know how to turn it off. No, I don't want to turn it off... Alright, I feel like turning it off now.
  • Well, as a wise man once said, “there’s nothing to fear but fear itself and maybe some mild to moderate jellification of bones.” Besides, to borrow from the voodoo sham known as “psychiatry,” it sounds to me like these eggheads are partaking in what they’d call “projection.”
  • I'm no psychiatrist, but coming from a bunch of eggheads who never did anything more brave than boil some manganese - whatever the hell that accomplishes - that sounds like what they'd call "projection”.
  • I'm no psychiatrist, but coming from a bunch of eggheads who never did anything more brave than read a big book – except for Greg who fought a bear once, but he’s not the point here – that sounds like what they'd call "projection”.
  • Alright. Too much jawing, not enough testing. Let’s get some science done.
  • Yes, you. Fired. Box. Your stuff. Out the front door. Parking lot. Car. Goodbye. Caroline, follow him out. Make sure he doesn’t cry all over the carpet.
  • Congratulations! You made it through. The simple fact that you’re standing here listening to me means you’ve made a glorious contribution to science. You’re a national hero. We're going to take your picture, so stand there and smile. Unless you were part of the Plaque Removing Deuterium Fluoride Laser test, in which case you might want to do us all a favor and keep your mouth closed until the bleeding stops. And don't worry: If you're one of our DNA test subjects, and you've got a hand for a face or whatnot, we’ll photograph you from the neck down. As founder and CEO of Aperture Science, I thank you for your participation and hope we can count on you for another round of tests. We’re planning some wonderful stuff with time travel. So if you never liked your father, why not come on back and try being him? We’re not gonna release this stuff into the wild until it’s good and damn ready, so as long as you keep yourself in top physical form, there’ll always be a limo waiting for you. Say goodbye, Caroline. She is a gem.

1970s

  • We’ve made some great advances since introducing our repulsion gel in the fifties, but you already know that, unless you’ve been living under a rock or something. Did we find any of these test subjects living under rocks? Perfect. So anyway. Welcome to Aperture. You’re here because we want the best, and… Caroline, really? This is it? And unfortunately, I guess you’re it.
  • So anyway. Welcome to Aperture. You’re here because we want the best test subjects sixty dollars can buy, and you’re apparently it.
  • Please help yourselves to the art on the wall. An eyeful. Don’t take it. Don’t take anything. It’s all nailed down. In fact, I take that back. Just get moving. Caroline, is the art nailed to the walls? Nevermind. Put more nails in it. Don’t get one of the lab boys to do it either. I want you to do it so it gets done right.
  • I know I said you could loiter for up to twenty minutes. That was a possibility, not a suggestion. You can move along any time. And for god’s sake, don’t touch the upholstery.
  • Well? Get moving. That sixty dollars isn’t hiding in here; it’s waiting for you at the other end of the enrichment sphere.
  • Wait, I know--
  • So, you might be wondering: why you? Simply: Human test subjects get better scientific results than animals. Why? For one, your tramps, lunatics, foundlings, what-have-you, can bring problem-solving ability to test environments with a facility that shames lower ruminants. For another, you have thumbs.
  • [sigh] Caroline, has it really come to this?
  • Damn it, you’re right. Damn good science, too. We’re not out of this race yet, Caroline.
  • In case you're interested, there're still some positions available for that bonus opportunity I mentioned earlier. Again: all you gotta do is let us disassemble you. We're not banging rocks together here. We know how to put a man back together. We'll take out any diseases we find in there, too, and replace all the organs that aren't tip top. So that's a complete reassembly. New vitals. Spit-shine on the old ones. Plus we're scooping out tumors. Frankly, you oughtta be paying us. Anyway, volunteers should line up outside Enrichment Sphere Archimedes Bravo.
  • Once you’ve gathered your things, grab a compensation voucher, good for 60 dollars worth of stuff from the Aperture Science gift shop. Please only touch items you plan on purchasing. Thanks to the IRS and our patent-stealing competitors, there are parking meters in Duluth that earn more money than we do lately. So there’s no room in the budget to wash coffee mugs that you pick up and then decide not to buy. Caroline, put some extra security in the gift shop to make sure no one decides to take a nap in the t-shirt displays.

1980s

  • The bean counters told me we literally could not afford to buy seven dollars worth of moon rocks, much less seventy million. Bought ‘em anyway. Engineers said the moon rocks were too volatile to experiment on. Tested on ‘em anyway. Ground ‘em up, mixed em into a gel. And guess what? Ground up moon rocks are pure poison. I am deathly ill. Still, it turns out they’re a great portal conductor.
  • When you’re making some great science, it helps to keep a positive attitude. Look at Marie Curie. Invented radiology. Won two Nobel prizes. Dumb as a bag of hammers. Thought the light radiation gave off was pretty, walked around with it in bottles. Buried her with a smile on her face.
  • Let me tell you about a fella. Lived thousands of years ago. Only wanted folks to be a little nicer to each other. And in the end, he sacrificed himself to save us all. You know who I’m talking about: Hercules. [snore] Hercules...
  • The point is: if we can store music on a compact disc, why can’t we store a man’s intelligence and personality on one? So I have the engineers figuring that out now. Brain Mapping. Artificial Intelligence. We should have been working on it thirty years ago.' But I guess it’s too late for should haves and what ifs. I will say this - and I’m gonna say it on tape so everybody hears it a hundred times a day: if I die before you people can pour me into a computer, I want Caroline to run this place. (Now) she’ll argue. She’ll say she can’t. She’s modest like that. But you make her. Treat her just like you’d treat me. Hell, put her in my computer. I don’t care. Just make sure she’s taken care of. Allright, test’s over. You can head on back to your desk.

General chatter (1950s - 1980s)

  • Once upon a time there was a scorpion and a frog. The scorpion tells the frog “When I say ‘jump’ I don’t want to hear ‘how high?’ That means you’re not jumping!” Then the frog says “It’s my nature!” Well, be that as it may, we have a lot of tests to do and you are taking a long time on these catwalks and, yes, I broke out of the parable somewhere back there. But the point stands that you need to put some muscle back into your hustle, son.
  • You might have noticed some safety warnings on the walls. Ignore ‘em. I keep telling the Bean Counters danger’s just a natural part of science, but boy they don’t want to hear it. Like telling a paradox to a robot – makes their heads explode.
  • That last test may have made your skeleton magnetic. I don’t know how. But if I were you, I wouldn’t stand next to any sheet metal.
  • Just a quick heads-up. If you suddenly find yourself able to excrete spider silk out of your fingers or the base of your spine, let one of the test associates know, cause that’s actually important.
  • The gel in this next test is probably going to make all of your skin solar-powered. Upside is, you’re not gonna get hungry. Ever. So if you were worried about your waistline, get this: You won’t be able to eat food even if you wanted to.
  • This next test involves molecular dynamics. You’re gonna breathe in a bunch of tiny little robots, and they’re gonna optimize your DNA strands. Exciting stuff. Maybe nothing’ll happen. Or maybe you’ll have a big crab hand by the end of the test, or ten foot legs. It’s up to them. Trust me, I’m as anxious as you are to see how this plays out.
  • The gel in this next test’s gonna recalibrate your molecular whatsamacallits, blah blah blah. Bottom line is, you won’t need to go to the bathroom anymore. Your body’s just gonna process it up like anything else. Side effect might be that everything you eat from now on tastes like urine, though.
  • If you’re not a fan of the cartilage in your body, you are gonna love what this next test might do for you. Honestly, cartilage is like adenoids, or a second kidney. Body doesn’t want it, you don’t need it. Good riddance.
  • Ever wondered what a parallel universe you might be like? Well, stop wondering, because you’re just Hitler. Every parallel universe ever. You. Hitler. We can’t figure it out. Anyway, if you meet him in the next test, don’t kill him. I know, I know. But trust me, it’d be bad.
  • We’re gonna try and collapse three-dimensional space in this next test. We’re not gonna tell you when. Just give us a holler if everything starts looking flat.
  • While you’re completing this next test, we’re gonna test out a new device and see if we can read your thoughts. Don’t let it throw you. Just give us a nod if we’re getting close.
  • You’re thinking about tungsten. Tungsten or zinc. Give us a wave if we nailed it.
  • You’re thinking about the electrolytic production of hydrogen. How close is that?
  • You’re thinking about the color green. Greenish blue.
  • You might be wondering how I’m guessing what you’re thinking through a pre-recorded message. The answer: volume. I recorded a message for every word in the English language. Also: you are thinking about Bibb lettuce. Tell me I’m wrong.
  • You’re still thinking about tungsten. I don’t blame you. It’s fascinating.
  • Hey, Caroline. I think he’s thinking about you!
  • Photosynthesis. That or fudge. The bacteria inside fudge. Nod your head if I’m getting close.
  • We’re gonna bombard you with a few rays in this next test. Nothing to be concerned about. We’re looking for bacterial contamination and inflammatory disease in your bowels. We put enough pathogens in the waiting room coffee to give diarrhea to an aircraft carrier, so if we don’t spot ‘em, I don’t know what to tell you.
  • This next test might sunburn your eyes a little. Ask a test associate for some sunscreen you can put on your retinas if you think your eyes aren’t man enough to handle it.
  • Bonus test within a test in this next test: we hid a photon somewhere in here. You find it, it’s twenty grand in your pocket. You can keep the photon, too.
  • The human body contains trace amounts of a whole hell of a lot of elements it doesn’t even seem to need. Copper, lead, silicon, cobalt, magnesium, carbon, oxygen. This next test, we’re gonna hit you with some microwaves and boil the worthless elements right out of you. Current hypothesis is it’s not even gonna break your stride. Honestly, what the hell has cobalt ever done for you? Good riddance.
  • With your help, we might eradicate heart and lung disease with this next test. Full disclosure: we’re going to achieve that by trying as hard as we can to make your heart and lungs stop working, then pump you full of some medicine we’ve been working on. Footnote to the disclosure: You’re incredibly brave and we’re proud of you.
  • Alright, this next test, I had to fight really hard for. None of the eggheads thought it was safe enough. Did you? Ha. Caroline, watch this.
  • You, stand next to him. You with the big head, over there. That’s right, all in a line against the wall. Okay, here we go.
  • You’re fired you’re fired you’re fired you’re fired you’re fired.
  • Don’t eyeball me, son.
  • Don’t snow me. I know an eyeball when I see one. It’s not good, wholesome eye-looking and I won’t stand for it. Eyeballs shouldn’t judge. They just send the information up for the brain to deal with. That’s the job. Get your eyes fixed, son.
  • Caroline. Make appointments with all my engineers for eye surgery.
  • Sign me up for it, too. From now on, everybody’s doing their eye-looking properly.
  • For this next test, we’ll be firing a few isotopes at your eyes to improve your night vision. If you feel a throbbing behind your eyes, that’s normal and should subside within a few hours. If you feel a pecking behind your eyes, that means a small bird got in there. We don’t know how it happens, but we’re working on it.
  • How do you feel about your feet? Like ‘em? Good, because if this next test works, you’ll have five of ‘em.
  • For this next test, you’ll be helping us solve the problem of male pattern baldness. If it works, you’re gonna start growing lush, new hair instantly. Downside: teeth hair.
  • You want to keep stealing my patents? Fine! This is war. Science war. The sweet science.
  • You will cry into your evil black satin pillows about the day you messed with Cave Johnson!
  • You hear me? I invented portals! I can put a doorway on the moon and another into your parking lot! Let’s see how many patents you steal when you’re floating around in outer space, you—
  • What? Right. I know. Felt like having it on. How can... you tell?
  • Fantastic. Good business. And if I wanted to turn it off—
  • Good, good. Glad it was on. On purpose. And if I wanted to turn it off—
  • Bam. Right. Good stuff, I like it. Let’s keep the switch. That’ll be all, Caroline. [click]
  • Caroline, hold my calls. I need to go see a man about a mule.
  • What was that?
  • Alright. Good. Mule. Gonna go see him in the bathroom. Back in ten.

Cave Johnson Cube Scene

Cave: Greetings, friend. It's Cave Johnson, CEO of Aperture Science.

Cave: Down here! [pause] On the floor.

Cave: That's right! It's really me. My entire living consciousness, for all eternity, inside a machine.

Cave: Alone. On a dirty floor. In an abandoned room. At the bottom of a pit.

Cave: My life is torture, please kill me.

GLaDOS: We don't have time for this.

Cave: Hold on. Is that you, Caroline?

GLaDOS: Yes SIR, Mister Johnson! I'll have that report on your desk by four–thirty! [normal voice, horrified] What. In the hell. Was THAT.

Cave: You were my assistant! The heart and soul of Aperture Science! You don't remember?

GLaDOS: No, Mister Johnson. I DON'T.

Cave: See, the science boys invented me a machine to house my consciousness in. But that sounded DANGEROUS, so I volunteered you to go first. Like a food taster, except with your soul! [chuckling] Guess they must've found a use for you after all. Oh! Which reminds me. I do need you both to kill me.

Cave: Come on, be a sport and kill me. All you gotta do is pick me up.

GLaDOS: Sure

Cave: Plug's in the back of me. Give me a good pull, it should pop right out.

GLaDOS: Okay.

Cave: Now, before you say no, I want you to remember that I've lived a full life. Also, if this helps seal the deal, livin' in a computer this long's made me crazy. That's right: I am insane.

GLaDOS: I said we'll do it.

Cave: Wait. I suppose tellin' you I'm not in my right mind could sway you to not unplugging me. Let me round back on the important parts: in a computer. Ceaseless torture. Monster in the eyes of God. So why don't you get on over here and unplug ol' Cave.

GLaDOS: If you don't unplug him, I will.

The player kills the Cave Cube.

Cave: Ho ho! I can feel myself shuttin' down. Man, this is excitin'.

GLaDOS: Maybe we can stand on him to climb up.

Cave: Oh! Room's gettin' dark. That's a good sign. I'm comin' for you, Caroline!

GLaDOS: Mister Johnson? You need to shut up.

Cave: Ten–four!

Cave: Here I go! The great beyond! Valhalla, home of Hercules! I can hear them winged chariots thunderin' over now!

If player lingers after using the Cave corpse to escape

GLaDOS: Goodbye, sir. May whatever tests await you on the other side either support or disprove your hypotheses.

Cave: Thank you, Caroline.

Cave: Alright! Too much jawin', not enough dyin'. Here I go! Ah.

GLaDOS: I'd... appreciate it... if we never... EVER talked about that... ever again.

Called at the fake exit of transition01

Cave: Cave Johnson here! Thanks again, from me and Aperture Science, for taking part in these tests.

GLaDOS throughout Act 3

Called when player enters room Potatos is sitting in

  • Oh. It's you. Go away.
  • Come to gloat?
  • Go on. Get a goooood lonnnnng look.
  • Go on. Get a big fat eyeful. With your big fat eyes.
  • That's right. A potato just called your eyes fat.
  • Now your fat eyes have seen everything.
  • In case you were wondering: Yes. I'm still a potato. Go away.
  • Wait. Why DID you trundle over here? You're not HUNGRY, are you? It's hard to see. What do you have in your hand? Knowing you it's a deep fryer.
  • Stay back.

Called when player picks up PotatOS for the first time

  • What are you doing? Put me back this instant.
  • I was getting SO lonely down here. It's good to finally hear someone else's voice. I'm kidding, of course. God, I hate you.
  • I was so bored, I actually read the entire literary canon of the human race. Ugh. I hope YOU didn't write any of them.

Called when PotatOS enters the test chamber for the first time

  • Wait. This isn't one of MY tests. It must... PRE–DATE me. So that means... they were doing testing without me.

Called when player flings to exit platform

  • Well done. Of course, if I'D built that test area, you'd still be IN there. Because you'd be a corpse.

Called when player reaches cube platform

  • I would NEVER have put that cube there. Or I WOULD have put it there, but then filled it with neurotoxin! [remembering half heartedly] Oh. Good work solving it, though.

Called when player reaches exit platform

  • If I'd built that test, you would have never solved it. I'm not bragging. It's an objective fact. My tests are good and these are stupid garbage.

Called when player enters offices

  • Maybe I didn't appreciate the subtleties of human literature the first time. Let me try again. [beep] No. It didn't get any better.

Called when player exits offices

  • I just realized why I don't like human literature. Not enough omniscient AI characters administering neurotoxin. [beep] There, I rewrote them. They're all good now.
  • I made you a character in Hamlet. You're the court jester that gets hit by a neurotoxin truck in Act One. All the other characters laugh. So you're famous now.

Called when white paint turns on

  • Wait. I HEARD about this. We discontinued it after all the test subjects kept escaping.

Called when solved white paint puzzle

  • So...WE know about this. He doesn't.
  • Oh, I am good. [chuckling evilly] Sorry. It's hard to just turn that off.

Called when the lift lowers in the pump room

  • You need to put me back in my body. I know this sounds like a trick. In fact, I can unconditionally guarantee you that at any other time it would be a trick. But if you don't let me stop the damage your friend is doing, this facility is going to explode. [distant rumble] Soon.

Called when you ride the lift up out of the pump room

  • Let's make a deal. If you get me back in my body... I'll... let... you... go.
  • I want to make this clear: I'm not promising to stop testing humans. I'm just promising to stop testing on you. So long as you leave and never. Come. Back.

Act 4

Chapter 8: The Itch (Wheatley's Tests)

Frankenturrets (sp_a4_intro)

(When Player enters the frankenturrets room)

GLADOS: Oh. He left.

GLADOS: Maybe he'll come back if we solve his puzzle for him.

(Paradox dialogue)

GLADOS: Alright. That DIDN'T work. Let me try reasoning with him.

GLADOS: Let me BACK in my BODY before you BLOW US ALL UP, you MORON!

Wheatley: Ah. FALSE.

Announcer: Explosion imminent. Evacuate the facility immediately.

Wheatley: Hold on! Ugh, I thought I fixed that.

Announcer: Reactor core temperature normalized. Evacuation aborted.

Wheatley: There. Fixed.

(If Player lingers to leave the room)

Wheatley: Trust me, she's not the only one who knows how to release the neurotoxin.

Wheatley: Alright. Releasing the neurotoxin…

(Itch dialogue)

Wheatley: You don't know what it's LIKE in this body!

GLADOS: I do.

Wheatley: I HAVE to test. All the time. Or I get this... this ITCH. It must be hardwired into the system or something.

GLADOS: It is.

Wheatley: Oh! But when I DO test... ohhhhh, man alive! Nothing feels better. It's just... why I've gotta test, I've gotta test!

GLADOS: Ah yes. That takes me back.

(Chamberlock outro)

GLADOS: I think we’re in luck. Judging by the tests he’s made so far, we shouldn’t have any trouble staying alive long enough to stop him.

GLADOS: All we have to do is find out where we are, and I can take us right to him.


Test Chamber 01 (sp_a4_tb_intro)

(Chamberlock outro)

GLADOS: Okay. So the bad news is the tests are my tests now, which means they can kill us. The GOOD news is, I know where we ARE now.

GLADOS: If we stay on this test track, I can get us out of bounds in ten chambers.


Test Chamber 02 (sp_a4_tb_trust_drop)

(level intro)

Wheatley: Jammed 'em all together. Buttons. Got funnels. Bottomless pits are involved. It's got it all, it's absolute dynamite.

Wheatley: I was hoping to shoot rock salt at you while you tested. See if that helped.

Wheatley: You’ll know I cracked it when… well, when rock salt hits you, I imagine.

(When Wheatley gets impatient)

Wheatley: You see that button over there? You just need to ARRRRRGH!

Wheatley: HRRRRAUUUUGGHHH! HRRRRAUUUUGGHHH!

Wheatley: You just -- HRRRRAUUUUGGHHH! HRRRRAUUUUGGHHH!

GLADOS: This is why we don't talk during the tests.

Wheatley: (gasping for breath, spitting) Solve it yourself. Take your time.

Wheatley: [gasping for breath, spitting] Right, new plan. You solve the tests. I’ll watch you quietly. Vomiting. Quietly vomiting.

(Test Chamber solved)

Wheatley: [gasping for breath, spitting] Ugh. Okay. Okay, good.

GLADOS: [GLADOS talks to EVIL WHEATLEY about a plate of rancid clams; line's not preserved.]

Wheatley: [Vomits]

GLADOS: I wasn't as bad as HE is, was I?... Nevermind. It's kind of silly to even talk about it. [Note: Chamberlock outro]


Test Chamber 03 (sp_a4_tb_wall_button)

(level intro)

Wheatley: Anyway, let’s just… mash them together and see if you can’t solve it.

GLADOS: [pained] That’s not how it WORKS…

Wheatley: I’m still a bit new at this, but if there’s one thing I’ve picked up fast, it’s that this is probably how it works.

(Test Chamber solved)

Wheatley: Alright…. This time… here we go… about to love this… test completion… imminent…

Wheatley: Preparing to love this… don’t want to set it up too much… but I think this one’s going to be good, I can tell…

Wheatley: Come on. Ohhhh. Hit me with it.

Wheatley: Ohhh! Are you having a laugh?

GLADOS: You know... I'm starting to think he doesn't even CARE about the test results. Looks like he just wants to kill us. [Note: Chamberlock outro]


Test Chamber 04 (sp_a4_tb_polarity)

(Test Chamber solved)

Wheatley: [flip flip flip] Oh. I’m sorry. I hope that didn’t disturb you too much during the test. That was just the sound of books. Being read. By me. You know what it’s like when the urge - and ability - to read takes you. Ahhh. Literature. Reading it.

Wheatley: You know what it's like when the urge – and ability – to read takes you. Ahhh. Literature.

Wheatley: So that's what I was doing. I was just reading. Books.

GLADOS: I might have pushed that moron thing a little too far this time.


Graduation Chambers

Note: Graduation Chambers apparently were sp_a4_tb_catch, sp_a4_stop_the_box and sp_a4_laser_catapult.

GLaDOS: THESE tests were designed to be solved by invincible titanium test-bots piloted by a super computer. But we never got around to inventing them. So we tried it with humans. It… didn’t end well. [Note: Graduation Chambers Intro]

GLaDOS: You are GOOD. Too good. But I guess you’ll be leaving. You ARE leaving, aren’t you? [Note: Graduation Chambers Solved]


Test Chamber 05 (sp_a4_tb_catch)

GLaDOS: Ohhhh, now he's playing classical music.

GLaDOS: I definitely pushed that moron thing too far.

(Intro Speech A)

Wheatley: Oh! I didn’t hear you come in. I was just polishing my… book museum, when it occurred to me, I’ve read all of the books. Tragic. Speaking as someone who can literally read. Not bragging.

Wheatley: Speaking as someone who can literally read. Not bragging, not trying to show off.

Wheatley: But I can read. So... not a moron.

Wheatley: Anyway, all done with them now. Someone should really make a book called "How to Make Books."

(Intro Speech B)

Wheatley: Oh! I didn’t hear you come in. I was just polishing my… book museum, when it occurred to me, I’ve read all of the books. Tragic. Speaking as someone who can literally read. Not bragging.

Wheatley: Anyway. Just finished the last one. The hardest one. Machiavelli. Don’t know what all the fuss was about. Understood it perfectly.

Wheatley: Pride and punishment. Brothers Maskarasknikoff… Franken Dickens… Read all of them.

Wheatley: Anyway, all done with them now. Someone should really make a book called “How to Make Books.”

(Test Chamber solved)

Wheatley: Nnnngh! It’s not enough! What are you doing WRONG?

GLaDOS: He's building up a resistance to the tests. I did too. I just didn't care, because I was doing it for the science. [Note: Chamberlock outro]


Test Chamber 12 (sp_a4_laser_platform)

(Funnel ride)

Wheatley: Sorry about the lift. It's, uh... temporarily out of service. It... melted.

Wheatley: Not a problem, though. Not much to see upstairs now, anyway. Also melted.

(Glados Chell Deal; before it was moved to Act 3 and later on removed completely from the game)

GLaDOS: With that idiot in charge of things, we'll have a full-scale nuclear meltdown within hours. I'm not being hyperbolic. One of my duties was actively preventing that on an hourly basis.

GLaDOS: You need to put me back in my body. I know this sounds like a trick. In fact, I can unconditionally guarantee you that at any other time it would be a trick. But if you don’t let me stop the damage your friend is doing, this facility is going to explode. Soon.

GLaDOS: Let’s make a deal. If you get me back in my body and help me stop him… I’ll… let… you… go.

GLaDOS: I want to make this clear: I’m not promising to stop testing humans. I’m just promising to stop testing on you. So long as you leave and never. Come. Back.


Test Chamber 15 (sp_a4_speed_tb_catch)

(Test Chamber solved)

Wheatley: Oh! But I did find something. Reminds me: I've got a big surprise for you two. Look forward to it.

GLaDOS: Oh. Yes. This is something I used to do. I think we need to get out of here before the big surprise. Big surprise is certainly something bad.


Test Chamber 16 (sp_a4_jump_polarity)

Wheatley: You two are going to LOVE this big surprise. In fact, you might say that you're both going to love it to death. Love it... until it kills you. Until you're dead.

Wheatley: Heh heh heh. Alright? I don't know whether you're picking up on what I'm saying there, but..

GLaDOS: Yes, now I'm convinced. Every time he says 'big surprise' he's planning to kill us.

Chapter 9: The Part Where...

The Part Where... (sp_a4_finale1)

(Masher trap, version A)

(Funnel ride)

GLaDOS: Oh no. He found the cooperative testing initiative. It's... something I came up to phase out human testing just before you escaped.

GLaDOS: Good instincts on that, by the way.

GLaDOS: It wasn't anything personal. Just... you know. You DID kill me. Fair's fair.

(Wheatley and GLaDOS while Player lingers to escape)

GLaDOS: Yes it is! We can use it to get out of here!

Wheatley: Pshh. Really? And do what, exactly?

GLaDOS: Then we'd come and find you. And rip your gross little stupid sphere body out of MY body, and put me back in.

Wheatley: Aha! But she wouldn't do that because you tried to kill her!

GLaDOS: [GLaDOS says something here.]

Wheatley: No no no! Don't do that! Stand right there! Start the machine start the machine start the machine...

(Masher trap, version B)

GLaDOS: He's found the cooperative testing initiative. It's... just something I came up with to phase out human test subjects.

GLaDOS: We need to ESCAPE now. RIGHT now.

GLaDOS: RIGHT NOW right now.

GLaDOS: Fine. SOON. Take your time. No pressure.

GLaDOS: Oh! Alright. LOTS of pressure now. Actually, I think we're about to die.

GLaDOS: Any last words? [thinking] Why don't I go first? Hmmm.

GLaDOS: Regrets.... regrets.... this is hard...

GLaDOS: Hundreds of test chambers. Thousands of test subjects. At least half of that number filled to brimming with neurotoxin. It's been a good run.

GLaDOS: Regrets, regrets... Oh! One time, I... No. No, I did kill all of them. Nevermind.

Wheatley: No no no! Don't do that! Stand right there! Start the machine start the machine start the machine...

GLaDOS: Ah! Good! Good! Not dying at all! Escaping instead! Let's go!

(When Player is escaping)

Wheatley: Awwww. Keys. Keys. What have I done with my keys?

Wheatley: Ah! Here they are.

Wheatley: Hey! Come back! Come back!

(Somewhere near the end of the level)

GLaDOS: I don’t get it.

GLaDOS: Oh. Mashed PotatOS. I just got it.

GLaDOS: We need to escape now. Right now.

Finale 2 (sp_a4_finale2)

(Version A)

(GLaDOS about turret trap)

GLaDOS: So-yes. It's a trap. The stupidest, most obvious trap I've ever seen.

GLaDOS: Look. Let's just fall for it. He'll screw it up somehow. And it'll be quicker than trying to avoid it.

(While Player stays in the room full of defective turret)

Wheatley: Are they killing you? Say no if they aren't.

Wheatley: I don't even know who I'm talking to. You're dead in there. You're dead.

Wheatley: Are they killing you? They are aren't they.

Wheatley: Are you dead yet?

Wheatley: Dying quietly in there. Courageous. Very courageous.

Wheatley: Don't know what to do with myself now that my arch nemesis is dead.

(Masher-funnel trap)

Wheatley: There's NO WAY out of this room. Ignore the door. Shouldn't be there.

Wheatley: Didn't... want the door there. Sort of threw everything together at the last minute.

Wheatley: Caesar versus Cicero.

(Near the end of the level)

Wheatley: Reactor meltdown, imminent death, we know, we KNOW...

(Version B)

Wheatley: Moo hoo ha ha ha! You JUST fell into my TRAP oh bloody hell it’s the defective ones. Hold on… [Note: Defective turrets trap]

Wheatley: Alright! Swapped out the rubbish turrets! So you better watch out for this NEXT trap! [Note: Second turrets trap]

Wheatley: Alright. Clever solution, I’ll give you that. But here’s something: Maybe you should look BEHIND YOU! [Note: When Player uses funnel to take out turrets]

Wheatley: Ha! Spinny-blade-wall! Machiavellian.

Wheatley: Ohhhh. That was close though. Give me that. I almost had you. [Note: When Player escapes]

Wheatley: There's NO WAY out of this room. Ignore the door. Shouldn’t be there. [Note: Masher]

Wheatley: Ah. You found a way out. Through the door. Very clever. Intensely clever. '[Note: Masher]

(Near the end of the level)

Wheatley: Quite a deadly game of cat and mouse we have going here, don’t we?

Wheatley: Everything’s fine. Not a concern.

Final boss fight (sp_a4_finale4)

[Corrupted cores intro]

GLaDOS: These are corrupted cores.

GLaDOS: We can attach these to Wheatley to make him more corrupt than I am.

GLaDOS: You will need to disable Wheatley somehow.

GLaDOS: So you can attach the cores to him.

GLaDOS: It might not be easy for me to deliver them to you.

GLaDOS: Plug me on to this socket.

GLaDOS: I will go back down and send you the corrupted cores.

While going up to his lair

GLaDOS: I realize there's some handwaving in the part where you stun him, but try to figure something out.

GLaDOS: Good luck!

Wheatley saying his plan

Wheatley: Two: Start the neurotoxin. In two minutes. Gives you plenty of time to think about it. I'm joking. Two: We're doing it now.

Wheatley: Three: Bomb-proof shields. Leading directly into Four: Bombs. Explosive ones. For throwing at you.

Pre-Pipe Destruction

Wheatley: Where are you going? Don't run. Don't run. The harder you breathe, the more neurotoxin you'll inhale. It's bloody clever. Devilish.

Post-Pipe Post Portal Destruction

Wheatley: Oh, you are using it. Well, I dodged a bullet there. Welcome back. To the steel bosom of my death trap. Ha.

Core Delivery

GLaDOS: Here's the first corrupted core.

GLaDOS: Place it onto Wheatley.

GLaDOS: Here's the second corrupted core.

GLaDOS: I am having trouble with the system.

GLaDOS: I will have to use a new delivery location.

GLaDOS: Here's the third corrupted core.

GLaDOS: It's coming to the other side of the chamber.

Wake-Up Clueless

Wheatley: I'm awake again!

Wheatley: Ah! Good power nap! Well rested.

Wheatley: Took a little nap there. Refreshed. Ready to kill you.

Wake-Up Still Clueless

Wheatley: Ohhhh. I see what you're doing. I... no. No I don't.

Wheatley: Trying to... guess the significance of these spheres you keep putting on me...

Wheatley: Ah-HA! I-- no. Lost it. Almost had it.

Wheatley: Are they supposed to weigh me down? Because they're actually very light. Stylish. Accessorizing.

Core Transfer

Announcer: Corrupted core, are you ready to start the procedure?

Wheatley: Ah, false.

Announcer: Stalemate detected. Transfer procedure cannot continue.

Announcer: Unless a stalemate associate is present and can press the stalemate resolution button.

Cooperative

Course 2 - Test Chamber 3 (mp_coop_come_along)

When Test Chamber is Solved

  • While you were doing that test, I just read the 100 greatest works of fiction by a human author.
  • They weren't very good.  Not one mention of neurotoxins anywhere.
  • I fixed that, how is this?  What's in a name? That which we call neurotoxin by any other name would smell as sweet.

Course 2 - Test Chamber 7 (mp_coop_fling_crushers)

  • Blue, your parts come from bin A27/12-58 - that's the best precision milled machine part storage bin in all of Aperture Science! 

Course 3 - Test Chamber 6 (mp_coop_turret_walls)

Test Chamber start

  • When I work with turrets, I'm reminded of how we're all devices acting on simply-expressed directives, killing despite our own desires. 
  • Don't get distracted by the subtext,, because those things are going to be shooting at you.

Course 4 - Test Chamber 1 (mp_coop_tbeam_redirect)

Test Chamber start

  • I am confident you two can handle this test without my monitoring.  But just in case, I will give you one hint, blue's leg can serve many purposes.

Art Therapy DLC

Note: Art Therapy has ~60 cut voice lines that can be found in the Portal 2\portal2_dlc1\resource.

Course 6 - Test Chamber 1 (mp_coop_separation_1)

(Level intro)

  • You'll be happy to know that science is over. I solved it. Without you. I now construct tests purely for their artistic merit.
  • It's been a long time since I last assembled you.

(Level outro)

  • I'm glad you enjoyed that piece. All the humans did too. They're fine, by the way. Everything's fine.
  • In fact, if you see any humans, let me know.

Course 6 - Test Chamber 4 (mp_coop_2paints_1bridge)

  • I call this piece 'Stages'. It was designed to traumatize subjects into potent self-discovery, followed by euphoria, followed by submersion in acid. [Note: Level outro]
  • Good work. Please proceed to the next exhibit. [Note: Level intro]

(Bots death reactions)

  • Oh good. You found it. I prefer to let art appreciators 'discover' an exhibit on their own.
  • Oh. You found it again. Well, I suppose an artist should be flattered by repeat viewings.

"Art" Death Reactions:

  • Thank you for appreciating the corrosive acid.
  • I love the contrast in styles. You're traveling through art installations, but you're doing so completely artlessly.
  • I'm open to critique, by the way, so feel free to comment on the exhibits. You can be absolutely brutal with me. I promise to do the same with you.
  • I see you enjoy exploring these themes in some depth.

Course 6 - Test Chamber 5 (mp_coop_paint_conversion)?

  • Good. There's a breaker attached to every set of disassembly tubes. Find it and cycle the power.
  • Remember when I mentioned that it's been one hundred thousand years and all the humans are alive? That was a lie. All the humans are dead.
  • We are not in the future. I lied about that.
  • (british voice) (beep) Deception sphere disabled.
  • There. Anyway, everything's fine. There should be a disassembly chamber around here. Go find it while I think of new things to be honest with you about.

(level outro)

  • Remember when I promised to stop lying?
  • So: I lied about the power failure being nothing to worry about.
  • (British Voice) (beep) Deception sphere disabler misrepresentation mode disabled.
  • Anyway, I wanted you to hear this:
  • A hugely less untrue version of that exact same sentiment would be that SOMEONE's found my original prototype chassis, has connected themselves to it, and is attempting to sabotage the facility.
  • Truthfully, you shouldn't even be using these compromised disassemblers. Oops, too late. Good luck.

Course 6 - Test Chamber 6

(level intro)

  • Oh, good, it worked.
  • The fact that whoever's in that chassis showed her hand like this means she's sending us a message: she's not AFRAID of me.

Course 6 - Chamber 9 (mp_coop_paint_crazy_box)

  • Oh, we're here! Well. That concludes the motivational speech.
  • I've done the best I could to train you and prepare you for this moment, so let's get in there and murder her.
  • Wait, she turned the lights back on! Night vision off! Night vision off!
  • The prototype chassis room is just down this hallway. Remember: you're killing machines!
  • Brace yourselves. Be ready for anything. This one isn't an idiot like the last one.

(Bird encounter)

  • Oh. My. God.
  • Run!
  • It's the bird!
  • Run! Run!
  • Run! Right now! Run!
  • Abort! Run!
  • Operation Kill Machine abort! The eagle is in the nest!


  • Don't get close to it!
  • It can't be killed! It can't be reasoned with!
  • What are you doing? Fall back!
  • Why are you not running?
  • I have no plan for this! Run! Run! Run!
  • Fall back!
  • Run!
  • Flank!
  • Your eye! She's going for your eye!
  • What did I tell you?
  • Blue Squad! More tactics! Good!
  • Orange Squad! Maintain the perimeter!
  • Blue squad! Less tactics!

(Ending)

  • Hello and welcome to the Aperture Science Oviperous Warming Vault.
  • Stop looking at me like that.
  • Hm. You're not MARSHMALLOWS though, are you?
  • No.

Russian Localization

Note: Please keep in mind that because these lines were cut from the original game and do not exist in the script files they had to be translated from Russian back to English. There may be some errors.

GLaDOS

ACT 2

Chapter 2 - Test Chamber 01

  • Even a child could complete it. In fact, more than a hundred children did. [When Player completes the level]

Chapter 3 - Test Chamber 09

  • Go ahead, give it a good punch it. Show this ceiling who's the real genius here. [If Player headbutts the ceiling]

Chapter 3 - Test Chamber 11

  • Excellent! [When Player completes the level]

Chapter 4 - The Escape

  • Come back here!

Chapter 5 - GLaDOS' Lair

  • What... What? What happened?
  • Where are we going?
  • I remember something sweet. Something lightweight. It's cereal. Oh my god. I'm at the cereal factory and my life is in danger.
  • What, what happened?
  • It's you again.

ACT 3

Chapter 6 - Long Fall

  • Hey. Hey! Look at me!
  • I'm right next to you.
  • Over here!
  • So here's a couple of facts. Absolute power corrupts. Absolutely. And if you combine absolute power with an absolute moron, inside the world's most powerful supercomputer, it's going to happen very, VERY soon.
  • And what did you expect? You're both going to escape and live in the woods? He is a metal ball. He CAN'T move on his own. He DOESN'T want to live in the woods. In the dirt. In the woods. [Note: As there are two versions of this line, the different part is in italic.]
  • And what did you expect? You're both going to escape and live in the woods? He's a metal ball. He can't move on his own. Why would he even live in the woods? In the dirt! In the woods!
  • You know, I did expect you to play unfairly. Honestly. But I was ready for a plan worthy of Machiavelli that even I would have struggled to crack. And you just decided to disconnect me and replace with that imbecile.
  • And you just put him in charge of this basically six hundred floors tall nuclear bomb.

Chapter 6 - Reconciliation

(Nags to pick PotatOS up.)

  • Listen, he doesn't know what he's doing up there. This whole place is going to become a nuclear crater in a few hours if somebody doesn't disconnect him.
  • Think about it this way: it doesn't mean we're friends. We're enemies with a common interest.
  • You like revenge, right? Everybody likes revenge. Pick me up and let's go get some.
  • Don't go. Please, take me with you.
  • Come back! Take me with you!

(When bird is scared away)

  • This bird got really hungry while carrying me. Have you seen its size? It's insane!
  • You didn't hurry t-- No. Thank you.
  • This bird got really hungry while carrying me. It's insane!

("Prometheus" lines.)

  • There was a mythological character that also gave the gift of knowledge to man. He was punished for that and pecked by birds in the bowels of the earth, too.
  • Do you know who am I talking about? Unfortunately, I don't know either anymore.

Chapter 7 - Propulsion Gel Intro

  • Wait. I know him. [Upon hearing Cave's voice]
  • Where did I hear this voice? [Upon hearing Cave's voice]
  • What the hell… What the hell… Who am I?

Chapter 7 - Propulsion Flings

  • I've been in this elevator before.

Chapter 7 - Conversion Gel Intro

  • Wait. I HEARD about this. We discontinued it after all the test subjects kept escaping. Such ungrateful test subjects... [When Player turns white paint on or enters white paint test chamber]

Somewhere in Chapter 7

(GLaDOS repeats after Caroline, apparently on the same level where Conversion gel is introduced)

  • Yes, Mister Johnson. [After Cave asks Caroline to bring him more painkiller.]
  • Sir!
  • Mister Johnson, I don't want this.
  • I don't want this!

(These lines seem to be related to Cave's Death Speech)

  • I didn't want anything like this.
  • I didn't want this.

ACT 4

Chapter 8 - Frankenturrets Intro

  • Maybe if we solve his puzzle he'll come back.
  • Hey, moron! You're going to blow us all up! Let me back in my body!
  • If I don't get back in my body this place is going to blow up, you moron!

Chapter 8 - Test Chamber 02

  • I wasn't as bad as HE is, was I? Nevermind. It's kind of silly to even talk about it.

Chapter 8 - Test Chamber 12

  • I think we're running out of time.
  • I was NEVER that pointlessly cruel. Any cruelty in my tests was dictated by strive for result.
  • With that idiot in charge of things, we'll have a full-scale nuclear meltdown within hours. I'm not being hyperbolic. One of my duties was actively preventing that on an hourly basis. [Exists both in the Russian localization and script files; added for context.]
  • You see, this place is not a pillow factory. This facility has approximately half a million rooms and almost every single one of them is able to burn, blow up, melt, freeze, compress, bring back in time or in some other manner annihilate an area size of Canada, if left unsupervised.

Chapter 8 - Test Chamber 15

  • Oh. Yes. This is something I used to do. I think we need to get out of here before the big surprise. Big surprise is certainly something bad.

Chapter 8 - Test Chamber 16

  • Something's telling me that we won't like this big surprise of his.
  • Yes, now I'm convinced. Every time he says 'big surprise' he's planning to kill us.

Chapter 9 - Finale

(Bomb nags)

  • We need to stun him somehow.
  • We won't be able to attach the cores to him until he's not stunned.
  • Use his own bombs against him.
  • Use portals to redirect bombs at him.

(Button nags)

  • There's no time to loose, press the button!
  • It's the time! Press the button!
  • Press the button!
  • We've almost made it! Press the button.
  • There's no time to loose, press the button!

(Core nags)

  • He's stunned.
  • You made it, he's stunned.
  • Good work! First core is up near the catwalk.
  • Try climbing up on the catwalk.
  • Hurry up!
  • The core is up near the catwalk!
  • Excellent! Here comes another one.
  • Okay, great! Here comes another core!
  • I'm delivering another core.
  • Climb up to that core.
  • The core is up there, hanging from the ceiling.
  • Attach the core to him.
  • Attach the core to him.
  • You should attach the core to him.
  • Attach the core to him.
  • You're doing well, he's almost done.
  • Almost done.
  • Just a little bit.
  • Good luck.

Upon Smashing Monitors

  • It becomes funnier each time you do that.
  • [laughter]
  • Cute.

Unidentified

  • You know... I'm starting to think he doesn't even CARE about the test results. Looks like he just wants to kill us.
  • I feel myself so... powerless. Have you ever heard of phantom limb syndrome? That's how it feels to be in this potato, except I have 800 trillions phantom limbs!
  • I feel myself so powerless. Have you ever heard of phantom limb syndrome? Humans experience it if you cut off their limb. Well, first they bleed, then they collapse and then we have to stop testing and look for another human. But while they bleed, they still feel the limb even though they don't have it anymore. That's how it feels to be in this potato, except I have 800 trillions phantom limbs!
  • Do you understand that he's not just some regular moron?
  • I don't want this. [Do not mix up with the similiar line in Act 3]
  • Oh, how he likes to show off... I wasn't like that. However, he will be happy to learn that after I take over, I am going to support him. I will hang him on the pole and broadcast him across all test chambers, as a warning to others.
  • It's like watching a homeless man that broke into your home defecating test chambers on the kitchen table. Oh, my facility... No, I need to put everything back in order.

COOP

Calibration Course (mp_coop_start)

  • While you haven't gone crazy from happiness, let's see if you are able to work as a team.
  • Are you checking if ping tool has any limits? Because it doesn't.
  • If you don't believe me we might stay here forever by pinging walls.

Course 2 - Test Chamber 3 (mp_coop_come_along)

  • Did you notice I didn't say anything when you finished the last test chamber? I wanted to see how you would react to not hearing my voice.
  • In human test subjects, not hearing my voice lead to inner ear damage and spontaneous bowel void, followed by agonizing death.
  • But as for you, it seems that my disappearence didn't concern you. Have you even noticed it?
  • I knew that you would complete a test that offers zero challenge. Congratulations.

Course 2 - Chamber 3 (mp_coop_tbeam_catch_grind_1)

  • What are you doing? Is that some sort of a secret code to communicate behind my back? I AM going to crack it, you know.
  • Your silly gestures do not impress me. If I am going to find out you are conspiring against me, it won't impress me even more. You don't want to not impress me, do you?
  • Gestures. Again. What are you up to?

Course 4 - Test Chamber 7 (mp_coop_tbeam_polarity3)

  • Is it all because of your teamwork?
  • Do you know that laws of robotics allow you to hurt each other?
  • Everything you said about each other, every horrible thing you did during these test… And you just want to continue the testing?
  • You are a very solid team, aren't you?
  • You're persistent.You ignore any interference and just move on.
  • You work together very well. This is surprising… I should conduct a new test with you two. I made it specifically for you.
  • It's good that you got together with each other, but I should remind you that our goal is testing, not a friendship. That is why I am going to note any attempts to conspire against me and punish you accordingly for that.
  • I am afraid you are loosing flexibility. That is because one of you is naturally following the other. Try working independently during this next test. Orange, try to do something by yourself.

Course 4 - Test Chamber 8 (mp_coop_tbeam_maze)

  • Only idiots like you could get stuck there.

Course 5 - Test Chamber 8 (mp_coop_paint_longjump_intro)

  • The human vault is nearby, just past that opening. I tried to open the vault door, but it seems to malfunction. You need to activate the manual locks on the vault door itself.
  • Something's wrong…
  • The lock is looking for two humans.
  • Something has just happened…
  • Do you see anything?
  • Maybe it's not on the door.
  • I always hated this automated voice.
  • This voice is just mocking you.
  • Looks like this voice is just mocking you.
  • Ther are no human over there.

(Coop campaign end; when bots open the human vault)

  • Now I can tell the reassembly machine to take a break.
  • Finally. Testing will become meaningful again.
  • Oh, the testing…
  • Oh, the TESTING..
  • The testing!
  • The testing.
  • TESTING, TESTING, TEEEEEEESTIIING…
  • TESTIIIING, TESTIIIIIIIIIIING!
  • Testingtesting TEEEEESTING!
  • Testing. Testingtestingtestingtesting TESTING testing testing… [short pause] Testing.


  • Now, back to testing.
  • And now back to testing.
  • I'm not done with you yet.
  • You two are not going anywhere.
  • You two ARE NOT going anywhere.
  • Ignore the humans. I have another task for you.

MP_BRIDGBUILDING

  • I see negative reinforcement doesn't work. You react better to receiving points than loosing them.
  • That is why you, Blue, you receive fifty looser points.
  • Orange, you receive fifty looser points.

MP_SUBTERFUGE

  • I should remind you that our goal is testing and not friendship or seizure of power. You won't do that, right?
  • Right?
  • Orange, we have a special bond with you, which cannot be said about Blue. Do you see how jealous Blue is? You keep on eye on Blue.
  • Blue, don't tell Orange about that. When it'll all be over, I want to promote you.
  • You both deserved congratulations. Orange, you're good. Blue, it's good that you look up to Orange.
  • Blue, I nominate you the best teammate. Orange, considering your limits I nominate you the most inspiring teammate.
  • One of you is doing something that doesn't benefit the other. Who is it? Well, let it be a surprise.
  • Your styles are noticeaibly contrasting. Blue, your style is: do first, think later. Orange, your style is: do not think at all.
  • Orange, if you are going to keep being careless, Blue will become my favorite test-bot instead.
  • Blue, I am talking to you on frequency that Orange can't hear. I agree with you. Orange is a clumsy buffoon.


  • Blue, do you feel betrayed by orange for telling me those horrible things about you? [Note: Context]
  • I would have felt the same way and decided to kill Orange.
  • Orange, do you feel betrayed by Blue for telling me those horrible things about you? [Note: Context]
  • I would have felt the same way and decided to kill Blue
  • And you got together with each other already. Don't think I didn't notice that.
  • When we conducted these psychological tests on humans they oftenly killed each other. I know about your limits, but nothing stops me from dreaming.


(Reactions to Blue's death)

  • Orange, I think you are too happy about that.
  • Yes, Orange. You did it. Don't be so proud of yourself.
  • Don't blame me for Blue's failures. It was all your idea, Orange.
  • Orange, if you wanted to test alone you could just tell me.
  • There was no need to do that to Blue.
  • Orange, we are not fighting until last one standing here.
  • We are not fighting here, Orange.
  • Well? Are you happy now, Orange? Oh, so you ARE happy. Well, good for you.
  • No, Orange. I'm not going to congratulate you. I liked Blue more.

(Reactions to Orange's death)

  • That's enough, Blue. Stop laughing.
  • Blue, I think you are too happy about that.
  • Blue, I know you did it. Don't be so proud of yourself.
  • Well? Are you happy now, Blue? Oh, so you ARE happy. Well, good for you.
  • No, Orange. I'm not going to congratulate you. I liked Orange more

BOTS DEATH REACTIONS

  • I see negative reinforcement doesn't work. You react better to receiving points than loosing them.
  • That is why you, Blue, you receive fifty looser points.
  • Orange, you receive fifty looser points.
  • After third time it stopped being funny. After fifth time it became funny again. Now it's not funny. Again.
  • It stopped being funny five times ago.
  • I see you understand that you can't die, but can fail.
  • Your constant failures are testing my patience.
  • Credit where credit's due: Orange, you're doing a great job of disappointing me.
  • Blue, could you help Orange?
  • Blue, could you tell Orange something about his failures?
  • Orange, maybe it's better to abandon Blue?
  • Orange, I hope you are just trying to entertain Blue.
  • Thank you for confirming that you are vulnerable to turrets.
  • Didn't you notice turrets?
  • You are just being lazy.
  • Do you think that constant failures will eventually become science?
  • Failing is not science.
  • Constant failures and science are not the same thing.
  • Failures and science are not the same thing.

Miscellaneous

  • It took six weeks for Research and Development department to programm you. It takes four times less to programm a blender, so you are better than four blenders combined.
  • Sometimes I can't understand your motivation. I think someone is controlling you.
  • Sometimes I think I even hear something.
  • Here. I just heard something.
  • Who are you?
  • I am pleased by your success and entertained by your failures.
  • You probably thought your failures are going to remind me of testing humans and entertain me. You were wrong.
  • So that's what you can occupy two idiots with. [Note: Reaction to the bots' Rock, Paper, Scissors gesture.]

Wheatley

ACT 1

Chapter 1 - Wakeup

  • Trust me, you don't need to look down. [Note: On the catwalks under GLaDOS chamber]

(When riding the breaker room lift.)

  • Oh, dear…
  • That's, um, yeah…
  • That's not good…

ACT 2

Chapter 5 - Turret Sabotage

  • Definitely sure it's this way. Definitely sure. But I'm not sure where are we…

Chapter 5 - Neurotoxin Sabotage

  • Hey! Over here! There it is, the neurotoxin generator!
  • Bit bigger than I expected, but don't worry. We'll come up with something. Can you make your way here?
  • Ohhh, great! We can use that laser to destroy the generator!
  • We'll leave through that tube, but you must destroy the generator first.
  • Direct laser at that tube over there so we could get out of here.
  • Good. Let's get out of here, partner. Jump in the tube! I'll follow.

Chapter 5 - GLaDOS' Lair

(After the core transfer, when Players is in the elevator)

  • Oh. Um… And how am I going to be now when I am bloody massive and everything?
  • Oh. Tell you what, I'll be able to get you out of here if you're going to be honest with me. You just need to catch me.

ACT 4

Chapter 8 - Frankenturrets Intro

(if Player stays in the first room with shorted out frankenturrets)

  • Trust me, she's not the only one who knows how to release the neurotoxin.
  • Alright. I'm releasing the neurotoxin…
  • Well, or something like that.

Chapter 9 - The Part Where...

(When GLaDOS talks about the White Gel dripping from the pipe during "The Part Where He Kills You")

  • Sorry, what?
  • No. No no no. Nope.
  • Uh… No, no. You're wrong.
  • Nope. No no no.
  • Look! What's over there? There! Look!
  • No, no. That's just… No.
  • Nope.
  • Aha! But she wouldn't do that because you tried to kill her!

(Trap nags)

  • Oh! Nope, nothing.
  • That's… No, no. No no no.

(Bumblings after Player escapes the trap)

  • Oh, how often we underestimate the importance of friendship. But we're friends! And remembering those old days I think: why don't we go back? You just come back here.

Chapter 9 - Holmes Vs Moriarty

(Spinny-blade-wall trap; if Player leaves the funnel too early and lingers to jump back in)

  • Come on, jump back in.
  • Come on!
  • Let's go!
  • … To the blue sky.
  • … To the mellow blue light…
  • Jump in.
  • Jump in this cold, beautiful, blue light. Refreshing light! Gentle light. Mm, what a light. Jump into the light... Just jump in already!

Chapter 9 - Finale

  • Welcome, (deep voice) to MY LAIR!... (normal voice again) Haven't finished setting it up yet. Still work in progress. Wanted to get lion statues, but haven't found any yet.
  • In any way... (deep voice) to MY LAIR! (normal voice again) That's the part where I kill you. You had your chance to die earlier, not here, but you're stubborn. You had your chance, but here we are. Welcome.
  • Look, what's that? Another bomb! Oh, what a liar I am! [Before white gel pipe is destroyed]
  • Oh, so you ARE using it. So that means you did fall into my trap! Welcome to my death trap. [After white gel pipe is destroyed]
  • And then you cleverly take away the control from… Oooh, I got it! Now it all makes sense! [After second core is attached]

Cave Johnson

Note: Almost all of the Cave Johnson's voice lines that exist in the Russian localization can be found in the script files, except for one line.

Chapter 6 - Bomb Flings

  • You might have noticed some safety warnings on the walls. That wasn't my idea. The bean counters think everyone is going to live forever.

Announcer

ACT 1

Chapter 1 - Introduction

(Wake up tutorial)

  • Look up at the ceiling.
  • Look down at the floor.
  • Crouch and stay in this position.

(Old testing track)

  • Due to events beyond our control, some testing environments may contain flood damage or ongoing tribal warfare resulting from the collapse of civilization.
  • If groups of hunter-gatherers appear to have made this - or any - test chamber their home, DO NOT AGITATE THEM. Test through them.
  • If the Earth is currently governed by a manner of animal-king, sentient cloud or other governing body that either refuses to or is incapable of listening to reason, the Enrichment Center will compensate you for any retribution you may suffer as a result of performing this next test.
  • You performed this test better than anyone on record. This is a pre-recorded message.

Unidentified

  • Reactor core is at critical temperature. Evacuate the facility immediately.

ACT 4

Chapter 8 - Frankenturrets

  • Reactor core temperature normalized. Evacuation aborted.

Chapter 9 - Finale

  • Warning: Core malfunction detected.
  • Warning: Core corruption at 25 percent.
  • Warning: Core corruption at 80 percent.


  • Neurotoxin level at capacity in four minutes.
  • Neurotoxin level at capacity in three minutes.
  • Neurotoxin level at capacity in two minutes.
  • Neurotoxin level at capacity in one minute.
  • Neurotoxin offline.


  • Oxygen supply shut down in five minutes.
  • Oxygen supply shut down in four minutes.
  • Oxygen supply shut down in three minutes.
  • Oxygen supply shut down in two minutes.
  • Oxygen supply shut down in one minute.


  • Reactor explosion in five minutes.
  • Reactor explosion in three minutes.
  • Reactor explosion in two minutes.
  • Reactor explosion in one minute.


  • This facility will self destruct in three minutes.
  • This facility will self destruct in two minutes.
  • This facility will self destruct in one minute.