Nord and Bert Couldn't Make Head or Tail of It/Unused Verbs

This is a sub-page of Nord and Bert Couldn't Make Head or Tail of It.

The game's verb files contain a lot of commented-out ones, most of which have a funny response to you trying them.

---

;"subtitle game commands"

<GLOBAL VERBOSITY 1> ;"0 = super-brief, 1 = brief, 2 = verbose"

;<CONSTANT D-RECORD-ON 4>
;<CONSTANT D-RECORD-OFF -4>

;<ROUTINE V-$COMMAND ()
	 <DIRIN 1>
	 <RTRUE>>

;<ROUTINE V-$RANDOM ()
	 <COND (<NOT <PRSO? ,INTNUM>>
		<TELL "ILLEGAL." CR>)
	       (T
		<RANDOM <- 0 ,P-NUMBER>>
		<RTRUE>)>>

;<ROUTINE V-$RECORD ()
	 <DIROUT ,D-RECORD-ON> ;"all READS and INPUTS get sent to command file"
	 <RTRUE>>

;<ROUTINE V-$UNRECORD ()
	 <DIROUT ,D-RECORD-OFF>
	 <RTRUE>>
;<GLOBAL DEBUG <>>

;<ROUTINE V-$DEBUG ()
	 <TELL "O">
	 <COND (,DEBUG
		<SETG DEBUG <>>
		<TELL "ff">)
	       (T
		<SETG DEBUG T>
		<TELL "n">)>
	 <TELL ,PERIOD>>

;<ROUTINE V-ANSWER ()
	 <COND (<AND ,AWAITING-REPLY
		     <YES-WORD <GET ,P-LEXV ,P-CONT>>>
	        <V-YES>
		<STOP>)
	       (<AND ,AWAITING-REPLY
		     <NO-WORD <GET ,P-LEXV ,P-CONT>>>
		<V-NO>
		<STOP>)
	       (T
		<TELL "Nobody is awaiting your answer." CR>
	        <STOP>)>>

;<ROUTINE ORPHAN-VERB ()
	 <COND (<NOT <EQUAL? ,HERE ,AUDIENCE-CHAMBER ,BEDROOM>>
		<SETG AWAITING-FAKE-ORPHAN <>>
		<RFALSE>)>
	 <PUT ,P-VTBL 0 ,W?ZZMGCK>
	 <PUT ,P-OVTBL 0 ,W?ANSWER>	;"maybe fix 'what do you want to'"
	 <PUT ,P-OTBL ,P-VERB ,ACT?ZZMGCK>
	 <PUT ,P-OTBL ,P-VERBN ,P-VTBL>
	 <PUT ,P-OTBL ,P-PREP1 0>
	 <PUT ,P-OTBL ,P-PREP1N 0>
	 <PUT ,P-OTBL ,P-PREP2 0>
	 <PUT ,P-OTBL 5 0>
	 <PUT ,P-OTBL ,P-NC1 1>
	 <PUT ,P-OTBL ,P-NC1L 0>
	 <PUT ,P-OTBL ,P-NC2 0>
	 <PUT ,P-OTBL ,P-NC2L 0>
	 <SETG P-OFLAG T>>

;<ROUTINE PRE-SPEAK ()
	 <COND (,GONE-APE
		<TELL
"You open " 'MOUTH " to speak, but all that comes out are a few grunts." CR>
		<STOP>)
	       (<FSET? ,EARS ,MUNGBIT>
		<TELL ,YOU-CANT "carry on a conversation when " 'EARS " are">
		<COND (<EQUAL? ,EARS ,HAND-COVER>
		       <TELL " covered">)
		      (T
		       <TELL " plugged up">)>
		<TELL ,PERIOD>
		<STOP>)>>

;<ROUTINE V-BARTER-WITH ()
	 <COND (<FSET? ,PRSO ,ACTORBIT>
		<TELL "But" T ,PRSO " has nothing worth trading for." CR>)
	       (T
		<IMPOSSIBLES>)>>

;<ROUTINE V-BARTER-FOR ()
	 <IMPOSSIBLES>>

;<ROUTINE V-BOARD-DIR ()
	 <RECOGNIZE>>

;<ROUTINE V-CLICK ()
	 <TELL "\"Click.\"" CR>>

;<ROUTINE V-DINE-ON ()
	 <PERFORM ,V?EAT ,PRSO>
	 <RTRUE>>

;<ROUTINE V-DRESS ()
	 <COND (,PRSO
		<COND (<FSET? ,PRSO ,ACTORBIT>
		       <COND (<FSET? ,PRSO ,FEMALEBIT>
			      <TELL "Sh">)
			     (T
			      <TELL "H">)>
		       <TELL "e is dressed!" CR>)
		      (T
		       <IMPOSSIBLES>)>)
	       (T
		<SETG PRSO ,ROOMS>
		<V-GET-DRESSED>)>>

;<ROUTINE V-FLUSH ()
	 <TELL "It's your brain that needs flushing." CR>>

;<ROUTINE V-INHALE ()
	 <COND (<NOT ,PRSO>
		<TELL ,OK>)
	       (<PRSO? ,ROOMS>
		<TELL "You begin to get light-headed." CR>)
	       (T
		<RECOGNIZE>)>>

;<ROUTINE V-KNEEL ()
	 <COND (<EQUAL? ,P-PRSA-WORD ,W?BOW>
		<SORE "waist">)
	       (<NOT <PRE-POUR>>
	 	<SORE "knee">)>>
		
;<ROUTINE V-LAND ()
	 <COND (<AND <NOT ,PRSO>
		     <EQUAL? <LOC ,PROTAGONIST> ,RAFT ,BARGE>>
		<PERFORM-PRSA <LOC ,PROTAGONIST>>
		<RTRUE>)
	       (T
	 	<TELL ,HUH>)>>

;<ROUTINE V-LICK ()
	 <COND (<FSET? ,PRSO ,ACTORBIT>
		<PERFORM ,V?EAT ,PRSO>
		<RTRUE>)
	       (T
		<PERFORM ,V?TASTE ,PRSO>
		<RTRUE>)>>

;<ROUTINE V-LIMBER ()
	 <TELL "Ahhh. Nothing like a little muscle-loosening." CR>>

;<ROUTINE PRE-LISTEN ()
	 <COND (<AND <FSET? ,EARS ,MUNGBIT>
		     <NOT ,GONE-APE>>
		<TELL "You hear the sound of ">
		<COND (<EQUAL? ,EARS ,HAND-COVER>
		       <TELL "sweating palms">)
		      (T
		       <TELL "rustling cotton">)>
		<TELL ,PERIOD>)>>

;<ROUTINE PRE-LOOK ()
	 <COND (<PLAYER-CANT-SEE>
	 	<RTRUE>)>>

;<ROUTINE UNIFORMLY-COLORED (ROOM-NAME STRING)
	 <TELL .ROOM-NAME " Room|
   This location is dim and uniformly colored, resembling what you see
when you have your " .STRING ". In fact, you have your "
.STRING ,PERIOD>>

;<ROUTINE V-LOVE ()
	 <TELL "Not difficult, considering how lovable" T ,PRSO " ">
	 <COND (<FSET? ,PRSO ,PLURALBIT>
		<TELL "are">)
	       (T
		<TELL "is">)>
	 <TELL ,PERIOD>>

;<ROUTINE V-MAKE-LOVE ()
	 <COND (<PRSO? ,LOVE>
		<PERFORM ,V?FUCK ,PRSI>
		<RTRUE>)
	       (T
		<RECOGNIZE>)>>

;<ROUTINE V-MAKE-OUT ("AUX" KISSEE)
	 <COND (<NOT <PRSO? ,ROOMS>>
		<SET KISSEE ,PRSO>)
	       (<NOT <SET KISSEE <FIND-IN ,HERE ,ACTORBIT "with">>>
		<SET KISSEE ,ME>)>
	 <PERFORM ,V?KISS .KISSEE>
	 <RTRUE>>

;<ROUTINE V-MARRY ()
	 <TELL "I doubt that" T ,PRSO " is the marrying type." CR>>

;<ROUTINE V-MASTURBATE ()
	 <COND (<AND ,PRSO ;"for JERK OFF OBJECT (FIND RLANDBIT)"
		     <NOT <PRSO? ,ROOMS>>>
		<RECOGNIZE>)
	       (<EQUAL? ,NAUGHTY-LEVEL 0>
		<SETG AWAITING-REPLY 2>
		<QUEUE I-REPLY 2>
		<TELL "Don't you know that this causes blindness?" CR>)
	       (T
		<PERFORM ,V?FUCK ,ME>
		<RTRUE>)>>

;<ROUTINE V-MEASURE ()
	 <COND (<OR <FSET? ,PRSO ,PARTBIT>
		    <PRSO? ,ME>>
		<TELL "Usual size." CR>)
	       (T
	 	<TELL "The same size as any other " D ,PRSO ,PERIOD>)>>

;<ROUTINE V-MOAN ()
	 <TELL "\"Ohhhh...\"" CR>>

;<ROUTINE V-PHONE ()
	 <COND (<EQUAL? ,HERE ,VIZICOMM-BOOTH>
		<V-CALL>)
	       (T
		<TELL ,YOU-CANT-SEE-ANY "phone here!" CR>)>>

;<ROUTINE RETURN-TRUE>

;<ROUTINE V-RAPE ()
	 <TELL "Unacceptably ungallant behavior." CR>>

;<ROUTINE V-RELIEVE ()
	 <TELL ,HUH>>

;<ROUTINE V-RIP ()
	 <COND (<PRSO? ,SCRAP-OF-PAPER ,CODED-MESSAGE ,MATCHBOOK ,MAP>
		<WASTES>)
	       (T
	 	<TELL "Unrippable." CR>)>>

<ROUTINE V-SSET ()      ;"make obj out of obj"
	 <PERFORM ,V?SET ,PRSI ,PRSO>
	 <RTRUE>>

;<ROUTINE PRE-SMELL ()
	 <COND (<AND <FSET? ,NOSE ,MUNGBIT>
		     <NOT ,GONE-APE>>
		<TELL ,YOU-CANT "smell a thing with " 'NOSE " blocked." CR>)>>

;<ROUTINE V-SUCKLE ()
	 <IMPOSSIBLES>>

;<ROUTINE V-SWHIP ()
	 <PERFORM ,V?WHIP ,PRSI ,PRSO>
	 <RTRUE>>

;<ROUTINE V-USE-QUOTES ()
	 <COND (<IN? ,HAREM-GUARD ,HERE>
		<PICK-WIFE ,PRSO>)
	       (T
	 	<SEE-MANUAL "say something \"out loud.\"">)>>

;<ROUTINE V-VOMIT ()
	 <COND (<AND <IN? ,PIZZA ,HERE>
		     <FSET? ,PIZZA ,TOUCHBIT>>
		<TELL "Just keep trying to eat that " D ,PIZZA ,PERIOD>)
	       (T
		<TELL
"You stick a finger down your throat, but to no avail." CR>)>>

;<ROUTINE V-WHATS-GOOD ()
	 <TELL "Yes, true." CR>>